Hi. My name is Christina and I want to be married one day.
Okay, I know that sounds a little random but I felt the need to clear that up right off the bat. This is something that I’m not always willing to discuss outside of my circle(and I’m not sure why), but I felt the urge to write about it.
I think a common misconception about women like me(women who choose to up and move to another country at 31 or do anything that challenges the norms of how women should be at my age) is that I don’t want a man, I’m too independent, and that I’d rather be a wanderer for the rest of my life than settle down with a husband and kids. You know how I know that this is a misconception? Because I’ve heard some of these comments come out of the mouth of a very good friend of mine(don’t worry, I still love her).
This couldn’t be further from the truth. From the time I was a little girl like a lot of women, I knew I wanted to get married. I wanted the romantic courtship, the beautiful engagement & ring, the perfect but intimate wedding, the gorgeous dress, the amazing honeymoon, and the lifetime of happiness with the man who I would choose to spend the rest of my life with. And of course I can’t forget the kids. I wanted at least 3 or 4.
I’ve always “dated” in hopes that one day all of the above would be the end result. But of course, none of those relationships resulted in marriage. It wasn’t until I was in my mid/late twenties that I started feeling like the wonderful husband and kids was out of reach for me. That maybe, just maybe, I was part of the percentage of women who didn’t have a chosen partner in this world. That somehow God thought I would be my best self without a husband.
I then started envisioning what my life would be as a fabulous, accomplished, forever single woman with a great career, traveling the world, owning a stunning townhouse somewhere in America, and having brunch dates and girls’ trips with my friends…forever. Sounds pretty fun to me.
Turning 30 made me feel even more comfortable with this idea. Like many women, my level of confidence spiked when I hit the big 3-0. I was more into manifesting my own dreams & aspirations before marriage no matter how long that took. I consciously made a decision that maybe I really couldn’t focus on both and I had to choose one.
I chose to focus on me.
However, within the past year something happened. I called B.S. on myself. Being single and fabulous IS pretty awesome. But, I do want to get married and I shouldn’t be afraid to say that and put it out into the universe.
When I decided to move to Spain to teach English and travel the world I found myself in many discussions with friends about why I chose to make that decision at 31. When most of my friends & associates are steadily on the hunt, in serious relationships, engaged, or married, why didn’t I feel concerned that I was somehow delaying marriage for myself? Well, here’s why:
What else am I SUPPOSED to be doing with my life? Should I be sitting around waiting for a man or should I just be living my life to the fullest in the meantime? As most of you have figured out, I chose the latter.
It is my belief that I am not ready to be in a committed relationship YET. I believe that God either doesn’t think I’m prepared for it or he wants me to figure something out first. Although this has been a frustrating realization, I have come to terms with it. I respect it and I accept it(most of the time). Maybe the very thing that God wanted me to experience is exactly what I’m going through now: Living in Spain, traveling the world, teaching kids, learning Spanish, and being creative. I’ll be the first one to say that I needed to do all of this without being in a serious relationship. I want to become the best possible version of myself and I’m committed to it. I traveled half-way around the world for it. So until I fully experience whatever it is I need to, my husband will wait for me.
And I do think he, whomever he may be, will find me when the time is right. But until then…
Imma ride this thang till the wheels fall off.
“The most exciting, challenging, and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that’s just fabulous.” – Carrie Bradshaw, SATC