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I Want to Be Married But Until Then…

Hi. My name is Christina and I want to be married one day.

Okay, I know that sounds a little random but I felt the need to clear that up right off the bat. This is something that I’m not always willing to discuss outside of my circle(and I’m not sure why), but I felt the urge to write about it.

I think a common misconception about women like me(women who choose to up and move to another country at 31 or do anything that challenges the norms of how women should be at my age) is that I don’t want a man, I’m too independent, and that I’d rather be a wanderer for the rest of my life than settle down with a husband and kids. You know how I know that this is a misconception? Because I’ve heard some of these comments come out of the mouth of a very good friend of mine(don’t worry, I still love her).

This couldn’t be further from the truth. From the time I was a little girl like a lot of women, I knew I wanted to get married. I wanted the romantic courtship, the beautiful engagement & ring, the perfect but intimate wedding, the gorgeous dress, the amazing honeymoon, and the lifetime of happiness with the man who I would choose to spend the rest of my life with. And of course I can’t forget the kids. I wanted at least 3 or 4.

First comes love, then comes marriage...

First comes love, then comes marriage…

Love on top

…then comes the baby in the baby carriage!

I’ve always “dated” in hopes that one day all of the above would be the end result. But of course, none of those relationships resulted in marriage. It wasn’t until I was in my mid/late twenties that I started feeling like the wonderful husband and kids was out of reach for me. That maybe, just maybe, I was part of the percentage of women who didn’t have a chosen partner in this world. That somehow God thought I would be my best self without a husband.

I then started envisioning what my life would be as a fabulous, accomplished, forever single woman with a great career, traveling the world, owning a stunning townhouse somewhere in America, and having brunch dates and girls’ trips with my friends…forever. Sounds pretty fun to me.

Beyonce-We-Like-To-Party-GIF

Turning 30 made me feel even more comfortable with this idea. Like many women, my level of confidence spiked when I hit the big 3-0. I was more into manifesting my own dreams & aspirations before marriage no matter how long that took. I consciously made a decision that maybe I really couldn’t focus on both and I had to choose one.

I chose to focus on me.

Me, myself, and I

However, within the past year something happened. I called B.S. on myself. Being single and fabulous IS pretty awesome. But, I do want to get married and I shouldn’t be afraid to say that and put it out into the universe.

When I decided to move to Spain to teach English and travel the world I found myself in many discussions with friends about why I chose to make that decision at 31. When most of my friends & associates are steadily on the hunt, in serious relationships, engaged, or married, why didn’t I feel concerned that I was somehow delaying marriage for myself? Well, here’s why:

What else am I SUPPOSED to be doing with my life? Should I be sitting around waiting for a man or should I just be living my life to the fullest in the meantime? As most of you have figured out, I chose the latter.

grown-woman

It is my belief that I am not ready to be in a committed relationship YET. I believe that God either doesn’t think I’m prepared for it or he wants me to figure something out first. Although this has been a frustrating realization, I have come to terms with it. I respect it and I accept it(most of the time). Maybe the very thing that God wanted me to experience is exactly what I’m going through now: Living in Spain, traveling the world, teaching kids, learning Spanish, and being creative. I’ll be the first one to say that I needed to do all of this without being in a serious relationship. I want to become the best possible version of myself and I’m committed to it. I traveled half-way around the world for it. So until I fully experience whatever it is I need to, my husband will wait for me.

Beyonce & Jay-z

And I do think he, whomever he may be, will find me when the time is right. But until then…

Imma ride this thang till the wheels fall off.

Formation gif

 

Formation gif 2

My new mantra.

 

“The most exciting, challenging, and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that’s just fabulous.” – Carrie Bradshaw, SATC

XO

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13 Comments

  • Reply
    NaTonia
    February 29, 2016 at 8:36 pm

    This is perfect! And I will put out on universe that I too want to be married one day! I love you! Keep being fabulous!

    • Reply
      Chrissy
      March 1, 2016 at 6:53 pm

      Yay! Yes, don’t be afraid to put it out there! Glad you liked it!

      • Reply
        Dietra
        March 2, 2016 at 6:06 am

        Nice!!!Well Spoken!!!God Bless and may you Accomplish all your goals you endeavor to achieve and have fun in the process!!!!I think this is encouraging, going to repost, none of my friends are married !!!!

        • Reply
          Chrissy
          November 30, 2016 at 10:11 pm

          I am so late but thank you for your comment and well wishes! It’s so nice to know that people can relate! XO

  • Reply
    Achia
    March 1, 2016 at 2:26 am

    Yesss!

  • Reply
    Sarita
    March 1, 2016 at 4:48 pm

    Loved it!

    • Reply
      Chrissy
      March 1, 2016 at 6:51 pm

      Thanks for reading boo!

  • Reply
    Princess Lovely
    March 2, 2016 at 4:42 pm

    I love this and I really needed this!😍

    • Reply
      Chrissy
      March 2, 2016 at 6:43 pm

      I’m glad you can relate! Thanks for reading!

  • Reply
    Ashley
    March 9, 2016 at 2:32 am

    I’m only 22 but moving abroad and teaching English is what I want to do, but a relationship is one of the things on my mind. I thought I had to be comfortable with being single for the rest of my life, and I was coming to terms with it! (At least putting in a good effort to do so) I’m so glad I read this! Thank you for writing it!

    • Reply
      Chrissy
      March 9, 2016 at 6:31 pm

      Hi Ashley! I’m glad you enjoyed this post!You have so much greatness ahead of you and so much that you will learn in your twenties. Just live your life and the rest(aka love and relationships) will come when they are supposed to! Also, teaching English is awesome and if it’s something you want to do then I say DO IT! XO

  • Reply
    Lin
    November 28, 2016 at 12:51 am

    Came across your blog and article, and I would say it’s just perfect timing..
    To sum-up: I am from France, used to be an expat in North America for a few years. Came back home, realized I just dont belong here…have a new opportunity in Asia this time…As probably many of us, I am debating this with my close friends and family and the feedback is the same: “you are turning 30 this year, do you want to be alone your whole life?”. It’s disturbing. A man having international opportunities would be seen as “successful”, but for women it’s a different story. Is it crazy to say I want it all? Yes I want to be able to take opportunities at 30 years old and move to an other continent, yet I keep faith and want to believe that I will have the family that I want one day, with someone who knows what wanderlusting is like…

    • Reply
      Chrissy
      November 30, 2016 at 10:09 pm

      Thank you for your comment! Needless to say, I know exactly how you feel! Although these days the pressure comes from myself more than anyone else. It’s hard to ignore the constant engagement, wedding, and baby pics from our friends or on social media. Even now, after writing this article, I still have those days when I’m like, “Ugh! Why hasn’t that part of my life started yet?!”. But, I have to remind myself that my journey is mine and everyone’s life path is different. It brings me comfort to know that there are people like you who are going through the same thing so I am not alone:) It’s not too much to want it all and I believe we’ll get it. Maybe not all at once, but who knows! Anything is possible! Again, thanks for reading! Best of luck in Asia!

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